2 Corinthians 4:8-9, 16 "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; struck down, but not destroyed...Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day."
I read this this morning and thought of you and me both. It is the best I have found to describe the overwhelming grief and despair at the loss of the life, of the career, I until recently had, while also experiencing this renewal. I oscillate between the extremes of emotion of sadness, depression and despair, prone to outbursts of anger at my three (husband, son and daughter), yet I also have times of peace and comfort because I know this is a battle I fight for God.
Napoleon, from my devotion this morning and it brought you to mind:
Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” God is for you......Take time today to tear down your walls brick by brick. Stop placing your hope in that which can’t ever truly protect you. And look to God as your great protector that you might be fully known and fully loved today. (First 15 Devotional, Tearing Down Walls)
I think for you The Narrow Path is about tearing down some of the walls you have that protect you and creating a new community. I am glad to be a part of that community and I know my walls have been coming down also. Even in real life....I am much more free and open about who I am.
Thank you John! I wish my faith was even the size of a mustard seed. I believe we are all being called to serve God in these times in some sort of fashion. Harder times are coming.
“Until one day when I was trimming a rose bush.” Yes, the agony and the ecstasy. We believers all experience that moment of truth applicable to us at the particular moment when we need it the most, and it seems to stick. And it hurts, but it also heals. I have to tell you, your post with Gates floating about like a balloon (how appropriate is that, at this time of balloons?) getting “boosted” is my go-to for a giggle and a boost of good humor. Thank you and God.bless you for your efforts!
Wowzie Walk2write! I never even thought about the rose bush, but you are so right. It was one of those small yellow rosebushes with the massive amounts of thorns. It hurts like the dickens to prune. Thanks so much for reading and your insightful comments. Gates as a balloon! I never thought of that as well as we were drawing it. I do believe God has a sense of humor.
I read that commentary by St. John Chrysostom and thought "he's exactly right" and then it started making sense about the world and why it is such a difficult place for most people. I miss my dad every day. I know he's in Heaven, since he was a much better person than I am. I can only aspire to get there someday. God bless you Tamsin!
Thank you for your guidance by example. Humbled. I worry deeply about 'presuming' anything of God, but I suppose we can chose to live in hope. ie. "I know He listens, but I don’t really know what He thinks about my posts. I keep writing anyway because He created us, loves us and listens to EVERYTHING we say."
Regrettably, our TLM monastery is inclined toward hell fire and damnation, which leaves one with a lingering sense of hopelessness while also denying communion without "annulment." It all tends to make the institutional journey around faith rather difficult.
Hope springs eternal Dr. as they say! I hope God laughs at our little cartoons. Maybe He doesn't, who knows? I go to TLM strictly for the Mass, as that is the place I feel the real presence of Christ the most because of its reverence. I'm good with hellfire and damnation - much better to hear it in Church than to see it on the TV in a mocking satanic ritual (brought to you by Pfizer!) I hear you about the annulment/communion issue. I received an annulment so it does not affect me, but for others it can be very disheartening.
Hi Barry, thank you for your encouraging and kind words! I think alot of people who knew me once would never say I was empathetic or a person with a big heart. In fact, still to this day I have a problem with liking people. I still consider myself a misanthrope and ask God everyday to help me with my dislike of people. That is the thing that I know will keep me out of Heaven, and yet I can't seem to change it. Maybe it isn't that I don't like people it is that I am exasperated with most of them, most of the time. Still, something I need to work on and maybe these posts are helping me get to where I need to be. Thanks so much for reading, and I appreciate everyone who takes the time to comment - I learn so much.
Napoleon, I thank you for sharing your testimony with us all. I can relate in so many ways to your journey to God and with His son Jesus Christ. Amazingly our struggles and sorrows are what draw us closer to our Heavenly Father if we let Him in. I am so greatful to have found your Substack.
God bless you Charlotte! You always have encouraging comments. I sometimes wonder if it is time to move on from writing this stack, but then another post basically writes itself, or I want to make a funny cartoon to share. I am grateful that Substack allows posts about God, and Jesus, as Christianity seems to be in the government's crosshairs right now. Everyday I expect Substack to shut down my stack. When it happens, God will direct us elsewhere - we must keep on keeping on!
Yes, even if we don't feel like moving forward, we must stay on the straight and narrow path. I read the book Pilgrims Progress decades ago and the allegory is as contemporary a story as it was when it was written. Nothing has changed on our earth except the actors that are against thuth and light. May God bless us readers of your Substack to move forward in faithfulness and be a shining light in the darkness.
Napoleon, of all the writers, your writings touch me the most, whether in comments or your substack. If I were ever to meet one of my anonymous substack friends in real life, you are near the top of my list to meet. Your spiritual journey in many ways mirrors mine. I too was not faithful to God for many years, I too found my way back. The challenge of COVID and mandates is that my career is gone, the blessing of COVID and mandates is that I am much nearer to God and my faith.
The time when God spoke to me most clearly has been over this issue of the COVID shots. And He sent so many clear messages. He still provides clear guidance in this place where I am waiting. I believe that is because I am listening more intently. My husband even now asks me what message I got from God every time we go to church.
Hi Jennifer, your comment was so nice to hear! I would love to meet all the people here someday, if not on earth maybe someday we'll meet in the great beyond, God willing! There are so many more people like you and I that have returned to God during these awful times. God ALWAYS brings good out of bad. It's so great that you can hear God's guidance and even greater that your husband supports you. One thing I learned is that a spouse who is a non-believer and refuses to even make an effort to support the other spouse's belief can only lead to marriage disaster. God bless you and your husband for supporting each other through these times!
The garden! We all started there, we all will end there, and in between, God talks to us there the most. It was also the place Jesus went to to speak to God during his hours of sorrow. It is so fitting. Thank you VVV, for that revelation and connection!
My pleasure. Well then, in for a penny, in for a pound. Teaching high school Latin, French, English '74-'77--then retired to make a family. Fast forward (because time does fly when you are mothering) to April '99, Columbine had just happened. Walking into my coldroom to put away canning jars, I thought, "I am so glad I'm not teaching now.". A few weeks later, on my knees in the flower garden doing the first spring weeding, I thought, "But maybe the public school is a GOOD place for a Christian woman" [note please: posture and location]. Now I am in October '99, still loving house-wifing, starting my day's sanding/painting work on a 2nd storey scaffold above the gardens. The air had that crystalline quality peculiar to October. I had a cup of something hot in hand, my cordless phone was at hand. Looking up to the sky, I said, "Okay, Lord, what can I do for you today?" Within 30 minutes--yes, I mean 30-- the phone rang. The caller was a long-time friend and member of the school board: "Can you come in to teach Latin? The new teacher has just been taken out on a stretcher." She'd had a stroke.
I will skip over the ensuing certificate-by-this-state-or-that nonsense to say that I did return to teaching Latin in spring of '00, and left only January '21. And a handful of students have let me know that I had made a significant difference in their lives.
2 Corinthians 4:8-9, 16 "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; struck down, but not destroyed...Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day."
I read this this morning and thought of you and me both. It is the best I have found to describe the overwhelming grief and despair at the loss of the life, of the career, I until recently had, while also experiencing this renewal. I oscillate between the extremes of emotion of sadness, depression and despair, prone to outbursts of anger at my three (husband, son and daughter), yet I also have times of peace and comfort because I know this is a battle I fight for God.
Napoleon, from my devotion this morning and it brought you to mind:
Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” God is for you......Take time today to tear down your walls brick by brick. Stop placing your hope in that which can’t ever truly protect you. And look to God as your great protector that you might be fully known and fully loved today. (First 15 Devotional, Tearing Down Walls)
I think for you The Narrow Path is about tearing down some of the walls you have that protect you and creating a new community. I am glad to be a part of that community and I know my walls have been coming down also. Even in real life....I am much more free and open about who I am.
Fantastic essay, Napoleon! One of the very best witnesses of faith I've ever read.
God bless you. Hang in there. You are being called to serve God in what's headed our way.
Thank you John! I wish my faith was even the size of a mustard seed. I believe we are all being called to serve God in these times in some sort of fashion. Harder times are coming.
“Until one day when I was trimming a rose bush.” Yes, the agony and the ecstasy. We believers all experience that moment of truth applicable to us at the particular moment when we need it the most, and it seems to stick. And it hurts, but it also heals. I have to tell you, your post with Gates floating about like a balloon (how appropriate is that, at this time of balloons?) getting “boosted” is my go-to for a giggle and a boost of good humor. Thank you and God.bless you for your efforts!
Wowzie Walk2write! I never even thought about the rose bush, but you are so right. It was one of those small yellow rosebushes with the massive amounts of thorns. It hurts like the dickens to prune. Thanks so much for reading and your insightful comments. Gates as a balloon! I never thought of that as well as we were drawing it. I do believe God has a sense of humor.
I really liked your meditation on the cares of the world as distinct from God's creation of the world.
Also, God bless your dad and his good example. If I make it to heaven, I hope to see my dad there too.
I read that commentary by St. John Chrysostom and thought "he's exactly right" and then it started making sense about the world and why it is such a difficult place for most people. I miss my dad every day. I know he's in Heaven, since he was a much better person than I am. I can only aspire to get there someday. God bless you Tamsin!
Thank you for your guidance by example. Humbled. I worry deeply about 'presuming' anything of God, but I suppose we can chose to live in hope. ie. "I know He listens, but I don’t really know what He thinks about my posts. I keep writing anyway because He created us, loves us and listens to EVERYTHING we say."
Regrettably, our TLM monastery is inclined toward hell fire and damnation, which leaves one with a lingering sense of hopelessness while also denying communion without "annulment." It all tends to make the institutional journey around faith rather difficult.
Hope springs eternal Dr. as they say! I hope God laughs at our little cartoons. Maybe He doesn't, who knows? I go to TLM strictly for the Mass, as that is the place I feel the real presence of Christ the most because of its reverence. I'm good with hellfire and damnation - much better to hear it in Church than to see it on the TV in a mocking satanic ritual (brought to you by Pfizer!) I hear you about the annulment/communion issue. I received an annulment so it does not affect me, but for others it can be very disheartening.
Dear Napoleon,
You wrote a lovely heartfelt piece here.
You have clearly made peace with yourself and found proper purpose.
Seems you are the path to spiritual and existential fulfillment.
Over and over it all, you are a dear person with a big heart and empathy for humanity.
Keep up the writings as your readers well appreciate your words.
Your bro in South Africa.
Barry
Hi Barry, thank you for your encouraging and kind words! I think alot of people who knew me once would never say I was empathetic or a person with a big heart. In fact, still to this day I have a problem with liking people. I still consider myself a misanthrope and ask God everyday to help me with my dislike of people. That is the thing that I know will keep me out of Heaven, and yet I can't seem to change it. Maybe it isn't that I don't like people it is that I am exasperated with most of them, most of the time. Still, something I need to work on and maybe these posts are helping me get to where I need to be. Thanks so much for reading, and I appreciate everyone who takes the time to comment - I learn so much.
Napoleon, I thank you for sharing your testimony with us all. I can relate in so many ways to your journey to God and with His son Jesus Christ. Amazingly our struggles and sorrows are what draw us closer to our Heavenly Father if we let Him in. I am so greatful to have found your Substack.
God bless you Charlotte! You always have encouraging comments. I sometimes wonder if it is time to move on from writing this stack, but then another post basically writes itself, or I want to make a funny cartoon to share. I am grateful that Substack allows posts about God, and Jesus, as Christianity seems to be in the government's crosshairs right now. Everyday I expect Substack to shut down my stack. When it happens, God will direct us elsewhere - we must keep on keeping on!
Yes, even if we don't feel like moving forward, we must stay on the straight and narrow path. I read the book Pilgrims Progress decades ago and the allegory is as contemporary a story as it was when it was written. Nothing has changed on our earth except the actors that are against thuth and light. May God bless us readers of your Substack to move forward in faithfulness and be a shining light in the darkness.
Napoleon, of all the writers, your writings touch me the most, whether in comments or your substack. If I were ever to meet one of my anonymous substack friends in real life, you are near the top of my list to meet. Your spiritual journey in many ways mirrors mine. I too was not faithful to God for many years, I too found my way back. The challenge of COVID and mandates is that my career is gone, the blessing of COVID and mandates is that I am much nearer to God and my faith.
The time when God spoke to me most clearly has been over this issue of the COVID shots. And He sent so many clear messages. He still provides clear guidance in this place where I am waiting. I believe that is because I am listening more intently. My husband even now asks me what message I got from God every time we go to church.
Please keep sharing. We all need your voice.
Hi Jennifer, your comment was so nice to hear! I would love to meet all the people here someday, if not on earth maybe someday we'll meet in the great beyond, God willing! There are so many more people like you and I that have returned to God during these awful times. God ALWAYS brings good out of bad. It's so great that you can hear God's guidance and even greater that your husband supports you. One thing I learned is that a spouse who is a non-believer and refuses to even make an effort to support the other spouse's belief can only lead to marriage disaster. God bless you and your husband for supporting each other through these times!
So now I know that you appreciate my pseudonym, ViaVeritasVita.
Regarding your rosebush epiphany: God has spoken clearly to me 5 times: 3 of them when I was in the garden.
The garden! We all started there, we all will end there, and in between, God talks to us there the most. It was also the place Jesus went to to speak to God during his hours of sorrow. It is so fitting. Thank you VVV, for that revelation and connection!
My pleasure. Well then, in for a penny, in for a pound. Teaching high school Latin, French, English '74-'77--then retired to make a family. Fast forward (because time does fly when you are mothering) to April '99, Columbine had just happened. Walking into my coldroom to put away canning jars, I thought, "I am so glad I'm not teaching now.". A few weeks later, on my knees in the flower garden doing the first spring weeding, I thought, "But maybe the public school is a GOOD place for a Christian woman" [note please: posture and location]. Now I am in October '99, still loving house-wifing, starting my day's sanding/painting work on a 2nd storey scaffold above the gardens. The air had that crystalline quality peculiar to October. I had a cup of something hot in hand, my cordless phone was at hand. Looking up to the sky, I said, "Okay, Lord, what can I do for you today?" Within 30 minutes--yes, I mean 30-- the phone rang. The caller was a long-time friend and member of the school board: "Can you come in to teach Latin? The new teacher has just been taken out on a stretcher." She'd had a stroke.
I will skip over the ensuing certificate-by-this-state-or-that nonsense to say that I did return to teaching Latin in spring of '00, and left only January '21. And a handful of students have let me know that I had made a significant difference in their lives.
,
What a great story! It's so great when God shows us the way. But as you note, sometimes we have to ask Him first.
Lovely testimony Napoleon
Thank you for your kind words Laura! I appreciate everyone who reads this substack and my musings. I really do.