Whine of the Day
I can't hear you through the whine...because I am not on the line
Guest Post by Pug
01/03/23
Because Napoleon and I are cheap SOBs we both have TracFones as our cell phones. This morning Napoleon woke up and determined she couldn’t make a phone call using her crappy LG TracFone. She could text and use data, but no phone calls could be made from the phone because the mobile connection had been disconnected.
After she fiddled around on her phone trying to get it to work with no luck, she resigned herself to [shiver] try to get help from TracFone customer service.
Alrighty then...let the fun commence!
First, she tried TracFone's customer service using chat on the computer. God, looking down from above, chuckled and connected her to:
DANDY
I kid you not. The Indian TracFone chat customer service associate picked the name DANDY.
This was going to be just dandy!
I stood over Napoleon's shoulder and watched the chat exchange from hell. Just dandy!
Dandy: Turn the phone off. Then turn the phone on.
Dandy: Is it working?
Napoleon: Nope. Not working. Can't make a phone call.
Dandy: Turn the phone off. Then turn the phone on.
Dandy: Is it working?
Napoleon: Nope. Not working. Can't make a phone call.
Dandy: Turn the phone off. Then turn the phone on.
Dandy: Is it working?
Napoleon: Nope. Not working. Can't make a phone call.
My Lord we are living in a clown world being run by lunatics. Dandy's one remaining brain cell exploded and he/she told Napoleon he/she could no longer “help” her. Dandy told Napoleon she needed to call TracFone customer service from her phone.
Just fine and dandy DANDY. Napoleon will pick up her phone which cannot make phone calls and call TracFone from it. No problem.
I gave Napoleon my crappy Samsung TracFone to call TracFone to fix her crappy LG TracFone. I have over 2000 minutes seeing as I have few friends and rarely use my phone to shoot the breeze. Napoleon contacted TracFone customer service on my phone. The Indian TracFone customer service associate picked the name VENUS.
God chuckled some more. Out of this world!!!!
VENUS was operating from her basement during a tornado. She was either eating potato chips, sitting by a wind tunnel/fan or she was really on the planet Venus. Couldn't understand a word she was saying while she was rifling through her "big book of useless technical support advice."
Venus: Turn the phone off. Then turn the phone on.
Venus: Is it working?
Napoleon: Nope. Not working. Can't make a phone call.
Venus eats more chips (probably rolls her eyes and pretends she is doing something).
Venus: Turn the phone off. Then turn the phone on.
Venus: Is it working?
Napoleon: Nope. Not working. Can't make a phone call.
Venus' one remaining brain cell broke and she transferred Napoleon to Tier 2 TracFone technical support because they are "oh so smart."
Napoleon is connected to the Indian TracFone customer service associate who picked the name MARISSA. Marissa is a supposed "manager" and has incredible technical abilities. She can solve anything!
Yup.
Marissa: Turn the phone off. Then turn the phone on.
Marissa: Is it working?
Napoleon: Nope. Not working. Can't make a phone call.
Marissa: Take your SIM card out and use an eraser to erase the gold connection area. Turn the phone off. Then turn the phone on.
Napoleon: WTH? (she does the "magic eraser step") Nope. Not working. Can't make a phone call.
Marissa: Go to a window or outside and turn the phone off. Then turn the phone on.
Napoleon: I am not going outside. There is nothing wrong with reception seeing as I am using a TracFone to speak to you. (Napoleon goes to a window). Nope. Not working. Can't make a phone call.
Marissa: (Pretending she is doing something) I need you to turn the phone off. Then turn the phone on.
Napoleon: I am NOT doing that. That is not fixing my problem.
Marissa: (Getting pissy because her one remaining brain cell is close to exploding) I need you to turn the phone off. Then turn the phone on.
Napoleon: I have had enough of this clown world. (She hangs up and tosses her crappy TracFone on her desk).
Napoleon said a few more expletives, vowed to never have a phone again, and stormed downstairs to work on her Variety Puzzles crossword book. Far away from the hustle and bustle of the complicated technical clown world.
As I watched the interaction I laughed with the absurdity of it all. I bet if Napoleon had stayed on the line longer with TracFone Customer Service she would have been told to do the Electric Boogaloo dance while turning the phone on and off. That is technical support, doncha know...
It reminded me of the so-called "Science" with regard to the more than useless Covid vaccines and masks. The experts tell you to do the Hokey Pokey dance (wear a mask, take a toxic vaccine) which does nothing to solve the problem that they made (Covid-19 bioweapon) because the experts have no clue, are stupid, certifiably insane, and are demon-filled.
In my past life, I did technical support, both on the phone and in person for a government software company. I KNOW how to do technical support. What happened today with TracFone was NOT technical support it was pure insanity, and pure demon filled chaos.
Being as I am not a complete moron, I decided to go crawl into our new Infrared Sauna, relax from the demon stress and research how to fix Napoleon's crappy TracFone. I said a prayer to God to point me in the right direction. I figured the problem had something to do with today's date of 1/3/23, seeing as Napoleon went to bed with the phone working on 1/2/23 and then woke up to find it not working on 1/3/23.
A few clicks through the hell that is Reddit and voila! Today is the cut off day when Verizon no longer supports non VOLT/LTE phones. Napoleon's crappy LG TracFone is supposed to be VOLT/LTE compatible, but I assumed that option was not turned on.
I crawled out of the sauna, found her discarded phone and scrolled through the settings to find Advance Mobile Options. Under that menu I found the VOLT/LTE option and lo and behold it was not turned on.
I turned it on.
I made a phone call from her phone. It worked.
I fixed her problem in less than a minute with no need to turn the phone on or off while she stood on her head and farted.
What I did is technical support. I listened to the problem, deciphered what had changed, and researched the possible causes and solutions. You would think a big company such as TracFone would have alerted all of the technical customer service agents TODAY that Verizon had turned off CDMA/Non VOLT/LTE mobile connectivity. That way the so-called intelligent technical customer service agents could ask a customer having a problem with mobile/phone connectivity if they have a VOLT/LTE compatible phone and determine if the option is turned on - instead of regurgitating the turn your phone on and off bull shit.
I am sorry, I just can't with this world. Here I sit unable to get a job, in anything including customer support, because I guess I am too old and I didn't take the clot shot. Instead, we get complete morons running the world from the top down, destroying the little bit of science and tech we have left.
Clown, clown, clown, clown world!
But all is good as long as you get to sit with the cool kids at the lunch table. THAT is all that matters in today's ego-filled clown world.
[BTW, I did thank God for helping me fix the phone. A simple fix. Not stressful. God is good like that.]
Lol! You made my horror show hilarious. Thanks Pug for making me laugh. Yes Venus was calling from Venus and the picture of you coming out of the sauna looks like you're coming out of hell! God always helps if we ask.
Laughed out loud reading this adventure. Excellent graphics too . & God IS Good.