"The Coffin Cure"
Everything Smells!
4/13/24
I first heard this 1957 old time radio program at the height of the "covid me-too freakout" in 2021. Last night it was replayed and boy, does it ever prophesize what is happening now with the covid poison shots. If you would like to listen to the entire
X Minus One science fiction program click on the link below to stream it from the Tuned to Yesterday Radio Series at WRVO Radio:
X Minus One: “The Coffin Cure” 11/21/57 NBC. (starts at 30:16)
Otherwise keep reading to see my cliff-notes/picture commentary version of "The Coffin Cure" and its prophetic parallel with today's "The Covid Cure." Just replace the word "Coffin" with "Covid" to time travel back to the present. There is nothing new under the sun folks.
What is "The Coffin Cure"?
Common cold cured! One simple shot and no more sniffles for mankind. The man who finds the cure for the common cold would be the greatest hero in medical history - and that's “scientist” Patrick Coffin.
With no successful series of long-term studies "The Coffin Cure" for the common cold was touted to the world through the propaganda outlets and everyone jumped on board with the "coffin me-too freakout." Even the "scientists" working on the common cold vaccine knew it was too early to declare victory but... the freakout.... 600 university student test subjects proved it worked 98% SAFE AND EFFECTIVE!!!!!!!!!
However, it's only been a month since the university students were vaccinated.... what about side effects.... SHUT UP AND THINK POSITIVE!!!!
We "scientists" will go down in history as the conquerors of the common cold!
"The Coffin Cure" "Me-Too Freakout" Begins
It was called the Coffin Multiscentric Upper Respiratory Virus Inhibiting Vaccine (CMURVIV). The propaganda outlets called it "The Coffin Cure" for short. The government men came first, then the pharmaceutical industrial complex came guaranteeing the "vaccine" in a week to ten days WARPED SPEED to a cold-weary humanity!
Express lanes were dispatched around the world to administer the shots to the globe. A million needles pierced a million hides!
The Lepers Try Our Patience
There were abstainers of course. There ALWAYS are. One of them was Ellie, the wife of "The Coffin Cure" scientist Phil. She had a cold for two months and Phil just couldn't convince her to take one little "cold shot." Ellie the leper screamed: "Why don't you leave me alone and go take your damn cold needles and stick them in people that want them!"
Phil frowned and labeled Ellie an anti-vaxxer, anti-science, grandma mass-murderer, symptomatic cold spreader, refusenik as she sneezed through her common cold REFUSING THE COLD SHOT!
The Adverse Reactions are Baffling “Scientists”
When Phil the shotted "Coffin Cure scientist" woke up one morning he felt like he was suffocating and choking. Every smell was magnified to the point of disgust. A simple breakfast smell of bacon, eggs and toast made Phil gag and upchuck. Ellie the unshotted leper couldn't smell anything out of the ordinary, even with her natural cold.
Phil screamed "You mean you don't smell anything strange!! I must be losing my mind!!!"
The smell of damp rotting earth and the animal smells made Phil nauseous. The smell on the bus was a nightmare with the driver's salami dinner smell especially odious. At the Coffin Cure Laboratory, all the shotted "scientists" had the same baffling side effect - enhanced smell so bad it was suffocating and unlivable.
But nobody else seemed to notice anything at that point - just the first three "scientists" who took the "Coffin Cure cold shot" two months ago. EVERY ODOR HAS TURNED FOUL AND MAGNIFIED! What could it be?
The "scientists" mused that maybe their noses changed from the "Coffin Cure shot!" Now that the common cold virus was eradicated from their noses, the nerve functions in their noses were beginning to function at a high level.
The "scientists" knew the adverse affects of "the cold shot" would only get worse and worse....
"theScience®" Refuses to Take the Blame and Doubles Down
"Scientist" and "Coffin Cure" extraordinaire Patrick Coffin refused to take the blame for the "vaccine" even when the first University student "test" subjects started complaining about the awful odor side effects.
THEY'LL HANG ME!!!!
Stop sniffling Coffin, said the other "scientists" and let's get started on more vaccines to counteract the harmful "Coffin Cure vaccine" we created. We have to find out how to catch the common cold again even if we have to die trying! The "scientists" tried and tried to catch the common cold virus and couldn't do it. The "cold shot" had destroyed their ability to catch the cold virus. It seemed futile.
What will happen when 50 million people find their noses turning on them?
The Lepers Were Right
The antibodies are doing too good a job, Phil the "Coffin Cure" scientist whined to his leper wife Ellie. We need to catch the common cold and we can't. We screwed up.
"You should all be locked up" said Ellie. "Well, maybe you can find unclebodies to take care of the antibodies, and I don't care what you do, all I want is a husband back who doesn't complain about how everything smells!"
The Tidal Wave Starts and "theScience®" Plays God Even More
Do you know what you're doing? Not in the least, answered Phil, "The Coffin Cure" scientist (as Patrick Coffin had already retired after having had a nervous breakdown). But a tidal wave of pissed off people with wrecked noses is coming. Time to get to work on gain of function viruses to spread the common cold AND FAST! So the "scientists" worked in secret to make sure they developed a common cold transmissible to dogs and then back to people. "The Coffin Cure" scientists did not want to be remembered by an infuriated world holding its nose in vain.
Finally, the "scientists" injected the new coronovirus into themselves and waited to catch the mutated common cold.
Achoo!! SUCCESS!! We've won - the common cold again!
In a nutshell, here is "theScience®" from the mouth of Phil, "The Coffin Cure" scientist himself:
We've developed an antibody against the cold virus and then we had to develop an antibody against the antibody. There's only one little hitch. The stuff we've made does a real good job. Just a little too good. I may be wrong, but I think I've got this cold for keeps, unless I can find an antibody against the antibody against the antibody ....
The End (or is it?)
Man plans, and God laughs. When will we ever learn?
this was a joy to read. Funny and true!
This is hilarious and right on target!! You both have taken this up another notch!! Thanks for the laughs!