Electric Boogaloo: Electronic Vehicle (EV) Edition

Charge!

2-3-23

Today it is freezing cold out (5 degrees Farenheit) with a nasty wind of 40 mph. I have to go out and dig my extension cord out of the snow bank and charge up the electronic vehicle (EV) in the driveway, hoping the charge port is not frozen shut. I can't go anywhere for at least five hours to get enough charge to maybe make it to the store and back. But it's so damn cold, you sit on pins and needles staring at the charge screen wondering how many miles you can actually get before you need to dig out the extension cord again.

Please don’t die on me car!

---

Then I woke up…. It was all just an electric boogaloo nightmare! Phew!

I don't have an EV, since I'm poor, just an old, tiny gas-powered car. I don't have to dig out the orange extension cord from the snow bank since I just filled up my tank the day before at a gas station knowing it was going to get cold. I don't have to wait to go anywhere, and I don't have to stare at my gas gauge (which is broken anyways) since I know I have 400 miles available to me no matter the cold weather. I could drive to Canada and back and still not have to refuel.

It's all so convenient and easy, even for poor people, which is why IT MUST GO!

Please watch our latest animation below and see where we are all headed, in less than ten years. Everything in that cartoon is EXACTLY what is going to happen. We are all Andy in the electric boogaloo: EV edition:

Gee Napoleon what the hell are you talking about, gas cars are never going away!

Oh, yes they are. In my state of hell, ALL gas cars will be banned by 2035. In three years, if you want to buy a new car in NY, you'll only be looking at EVs, since no dealer will stock gas cars when the RULES require 35% of the sales to be EVs. And if you think, well that's only NY and California, think again. Whatever happens here WILL happen to every other state in this country. The feds are all in on this as well. By emperor decree, ALL US-government gas powered cars will be banned by 2035. What do you think the next step is? You want federal highway money Arkansas or Florida? Then you best ban all gas cars or it's curtains for you! I've seen this song and dance before with the drinking age, and the “covid me-too-freakout®”. Nothing changes in this country.

Apparently the only fuel source we can use on this wonderful planet that provides us many fuel sources is ELECTRICITY generated ONLY by solar or wind. So, suck it up buttercup, EVs are here to stay, because the planet says so or something.

I’m a green brainiac

But something doesn't add up. Look at this chart for energy consumption in 2021:

The transportation sector (cars, trucks etc) is fueled 90% by petroleum, 4% by natural gas, 5% by renewable energy (solar most likely) and less than 1% by electricity. Okey dokey. In ten years the green brainiacs want electricity to fuel 95% more of that sector, since the stinky, icky petroleum/gas sources MUST GO. But wait... where is this increased electricity generation going to come from?

It surely can't come from stinky, icky, earth-killing sources such as gas, petroleum, coal and nuclear, right? Well, let's look at the chart again - electricity is currently generated 1% by petroleum (so far so good), 19% by renewable sources such as solar, wind and water (fantastic!), 22% by nuclear (oops), 26% by coal (icky, say it ain’t so!), and 32% by natural gas (oh, the humanity!). What is the electrical industry to do? If the electric boogaloo brainiacs ban all fossil fuel sources, then 81% of the electricity generation sources goes bye-bye. Losing 81% of electricity generation CANNOT increase 95% of electricity needs in the transportation sector. Humans are stupid.

But that's just talking about the basic electrical infrastructure that does not exist for EVs, what about the day-to-day hassles with them? Are they God's gift to humanity and the best thing since sliced bread? Do you save money? Are they convenient? Will the planet breathe a sigh of relief when EVs are the ONLY source of transportation available?

What hassles? I’m green. Thank you coal mine.

Cost Hassle

First things first, EVs are more expensive to buy and are not free to operate. You will pay to charge them, just like you pay to fill up a gas car. But I can charge at home, that's free isn't it? Only if the government is paying your electric bill. If you pay your own electric bill, or even if your landlord pays, you will pay the increased electric costs, and those costs will ONLY INCREASE when everyone uses electricity to charge their cars. In addition, there is a cost for the charger installation at your house.

Range Hassle

Most EVs have a driving range of 200 miles per full charge, in warm weather, in stop and go traffic. When you drive in cold weather, expect 50% of that range. When you drive on the highway, or are towing something expect that mileage range to decrease as well. So everyone who lives in northern, cold climates six months out of the year can expect to cut down their driving or increase their charging during the long, cold winter. Sounds like fun! Another thing to note is that when the battery is empty, EVs shut down immediately and must be towed to a charging station (they can't be put in neutral to push and a simple delivery of one charge doesn’t exist). See what happens below:

Convenience Hassle

Everyone has a heated garage with multiple 240v outlets for their EVs right? Right? No? I don't know about you, but I don't. I will have to snake an extension cord through a window in my utility room 30 feet to my driveway. If the other occupant of the house wants to charge too, she's shit out of luck. Just one outlet and it's in use for most of the night charging one vehicle.

Ok, so she can go to a charging station and charge right? Sure, if she has lots of time to kill and likes hanging around charging stations. To charge an EV it can take as LITTLE as 30 minutes or UP TO A DAY (remember when you could fill up a gas tank in about 3 minutes?). I guess people will have to get up earlier, so they can spend an hour or two at the charging station before heading to work. As to those people who live in apartments with street parking? Well I suggest you buy oodles of outdoor orange extension cords, you're going to need them.

“A cord, a cord, my kingdom for a cord!”

Green Hassle

Batteries, shmatteries! Everyone knows batteries last forever and never need to be replaced or disposed of? Batteries aren't made of corrosive and toxic materials, and mined from the earth in destructive manners. They are green, green, green! Enough said.

I’m green. Thank you strip mine.

---

So, there you go. The electric boogaloo of EVs. For those of you who own EVs, I'd like to hear your stories. Maybe I'm wrong and EVs will be the savior of mankind, and soon we will be embracing the outdoor orange extension cord, and shocked into a new life, like Andy.

Charge!