Why God Let Me Suffer
How Hate, Demons, and Grace Woke Me Up
Welcome friend,
I’m Mark, and this space is for the wanderers, the worn out, and the ones still wrestling with God at 2 a.m. I don’t have all the answers, but I know the One who does—and I’m learning to trust Him more.
If this message meets you where you are, stick around. Subscribe, share, or simply pray with me as we walk this narrow road together.
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I used to hate everything. The world. People. Even God.
I wore bitterness like armor, thinking it would protect me. But it didn’t—it poisoned me. I saw smiles and wanted to crush them. I heard laughter and rolled my eyes. Joy made me sick. I thought I was strong because nothing touched me. Truth is, I was already being devoured… slowly, by something darker than I knew.
The Breaking Point
God didn’t just let me suffer. He used it.
Pain entered my life like a freight train—wrecking everything I had built on anger and pride. Years of resentment, self-hate, and rage I had justified and fed like a pet pit bull.
But when I was left broken—literally and spiritually—I finally saw what had been feeding on me. Demons don’t always roar. Sometimes they whisper: You’re right to hate them. Stay bitter. Stay cold. Stay in control.
They feed off hate. They multiply in trauma. And they cheer every time you shut someone out or snap in rage.
The Ugly Truth I Couldn't Avoid
I used to think I had reasons for being so hard and angry. People had failed me. Life had been unfair. But God wasn’t trying to punish me—He was trying to rescue me from a life possessed by the very spirits I thought were protecting me.
He brought me low so I could look up.
God didn’t yell at me. He didn’t tell me I was trash. He whispered grace. He offered love. And for the first time, I listened.
What the Pain Taught Me
Suffering became my teacher. It showed me that anger is a mask for fear. Hate is a shield for brokenness. And bitterness is a prison you build with your own hands.
But it also showed me something else: Grace is stronger than trauma.
I had to learn that God’s love wasn’t about cleaning up and earning it. It was about collapsing into His arms and letting Him do what I couldn’t—heal me. Not just my bones, but my soul.
People Are Dying for Love
I see people now with different eyes. Angry people. Bitter people. Addicts. Abusers. The hopeless and the numb. I used to hate them. Now I see them as hostages—like I was.
We’re not fighting flesh and blood. We’re fighting demons that thrive in our wounds (Ephesians 6:12). That’s why grace has to be given out like candy at a parade. People need to know they’re loved, not just told. They need to see the Spirit of God in us.
Because maybe, just maybe, seeing His Spirit in you will be what draws them to Jesus.
Not religion. Not shame. But love. Real, unfiltered, fire-tested love.
Why God Let Me Hurt
God let me go through fire not to destroy me, but to purify me. He didn’t cause the pain—but He used every ounce of it. To wake me up. To break my hate. To open my eyes to the spiritual war raging behind every sarcastic smile and deadened stare.
When you meet someone hateful, don’t fight them— love them harder. Because behind that hate is a soul in chains. Just like I was.
Call to Repentance:
If you’ve been trying to earn your way into heaven, it’s time to stop striving and start surrendering. Today can be the day everything changes. The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 6:2, “Behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation.” Don’t wait for a better moment. Turn from your sin, believe in the finished work of Jesus Christ on the cross, and receive the gift of eternal life. He is calling—respond to Him today.
Call to Action:
If this message spoke to your heart, don’t keep it to yourself. Share it with someone you love—and make sure to subscribe so you never miss more biblical truth, encouragement, and hope. Let’s walk this journey of faith together.