Some nights, when the house is dead quiet, I lay in bed staring at the ceiling and think to myself, “I hope You really are as merciful as You say.”
It’s not that I don’t believe the Bible. I do. It’s not that I haven’t seen His grace — I have. But deep inside, there’s still a little doubt sometimes. It’s like when you know you locked the front door but you still get up at midnight to check, just to be sure.
I have this deep yearning — an aching need — to meet Him. To look into His eyes and see mercy written there, not just read about it on a page. Sometimes I imagine what it’ll be like: the sound of the air when He walks into the room, the way my knees will hit the ground before my mind even tells them to move. Maybe it'll feel like standing barefoot on warm, holy ground.
I know the verses by heart — saved by grace through faith, not by works. I can quote Ephesians 2:8 in my sleep. But still, doubt lingers like a stubborn piece of gum stuck under the table of my mind. Did I trust Him enough? Did I follow Him closely enough? Did I mess up too many times?
This — this wrestling — is part of the narrow path Jesus talked about. It's not some smooth, sunny boardwalk where you sip lemonade and smile politely. No, it’s a trail that cuts through thorn bushes and jagged rocks. It’s a fight to keep walking when you can’t see what’s ahead.
I remind myself that God isn’t just merciful — He’s just, too. He’s not the grandpa who winks and ignores sin. He’s a King whose throne is built on righteousness. Every wrong will be answered. Every lie, every cruelty, every betrayal.
And that’s why His mercy means so much. Because the price wasn’t waved away. It was paid. Paid in blood, at a hill outside of Jerusalem. Mercy isn't God pretending we’re good; it’s Him seeing exactly how bad we are — and still choosing to save us anyway.
So I keep hoping. I keep yearning. I keep walking this narrow path knowing that at the end of it, there’s a Father waiting who is better than my best hopes, truer than my most sincere faith, and more merciful than my trembling heart dares to dream. I hope I can run to him with open arms, like the prodigle son. I hope.
Call to Repentance: If you’ve been trying to earn your way into heaven, it’s time to stop striving and start surrendering. Today can be the day everything changes. The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 6:2, “Behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation.” Don’t wait for a better moment. Turn from your sin, believe in the finished work of Jesus Christ on the cross, and receive the gift of eternal life. He is calling—respond to Him today.
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