Electric Boogaloo
Pittsburgh Edition
Here we go…
Pug and I went to visit Pug's friend in Pittsburgh recently, and since we don't live there we thought we'd take along new technology to help us get around. The GPS Satellite Navigation system knows everything right? Just turn it on and you're on your way! No problems!
Ok.
So on a dreary Sunday morning we decided to go to Pittsburgh’s Phipps Conservatory and Gardens to take some flower pictures. We figured Sunday morning would be a good time to go to avoid traffic and find parking. I took along my plug-in, old school, Garmin GPS Satellite Navigation system (Sat Nav Bot) and Pug's friend brought along his Google Maps GPS Satellite Navigation system (Sat Nav Bot) on his phone.
We should be good to go - the Sat Nav Bots have our backs!
Everything was smooth sailing getting there, it's when we tried to get home that the crap hit the fan and the city of Pittsburgh broke the Sat Nav Bots.
The minute we turned out of the Phipps parking lot, we hit the parade. On a gloomy, rainy, and cold Sunday morning, Pittsburgh had a parade for downs syndrome, or some sort of thing. There were lots of balloons, and people walking real slow across the street that the Sat Nav Bots said we had to go on.
The cops who were blocking the street said hell no - turn!
Down an unfamiliar street we turned. That's ok, the Sat Nav Bots would just recalculate and send us on our way home right?
Nope.
The Sat Nav Bots kept telling us to make a u-turn and head back to the parade. The Sat Nav Bots apparently can't read that pedestrians are in the street and commanded us to barrel right through that parade. The Sat Nav Bots only see a road, not humans. Electric Boogaloo!
Ok.
We decided to keep driving through the hell that is Pittsburgh streets until the Sat Nav Bots were too far away from a u-turn and would have to recalculate a different route to get home. The Sat Nav Bots had us drive up and down two-way streets that were only narrow enough for one car, with cars parked on both sides. We were told to drive the wrong way up a one way street. We drove through narrow hilly back streets, across old electric tram tracks, through hospital employee parking lots, and dead ends down near the river. All the while both Sat Nav Bots were continually recalculating, and losing signals!!!
Finally, we hit THE STREET that broke the Sat Nav Bots.
The Cobblestone Street.
Yes, that is correct, we took a right onto an unnamed Cobblestone Street. Both Sat Nav Bots then at the same time said:
Buh- Bye! and lost signals.
We were on our own driving uphill on the unnamed Cobblestone Street and hoping another car, or horse and carriage didn't come barreling down the other way. Thank God we made it to the top without incident, and turned off the road and back into the 21st Century.
Screw the Sat Nav Bots. Pug's friend finally found a street he recognized and we found our way home an hour later.
Pittsburgh's streets are hell. They are the worst we've ever driven on and we've driven in many cities. Even Pug's friend said he avoids Pittsburgh and the last time he drove in it he had to drive down some old street with abandoned tram tracks in the center, with his car weaving side to side in the rain. It always rains in Pittsburgh. Good times!
And it's not just our opinion, the Sat Nav Bots basically told us "Goodbye, and good luck!" when driving in Pittsburgh. They gave up.
That's why you should never rely on GPS Sat Nav Bots.
What humans see with their eyes - parades, cops, cobblestone streets, one-way streets, parking lots, and abandoned tram tracks - Sat Nav Bots don't see. That's why you keep hearing stories of people driving into lakes when guided by the Sat Nav Bots, and why self-driving cars keep running people over.
This is our future folks. The electric boogaloo of GPS Sat Nav Bots who abandon you when the going gets tough. Good luck electrifying all your cars Pittsburgh, since you still have cobblestone streets. Maybe you should start using those abandoned electric tram tracks again or maybe there was a reason they were abandoned 100 years ago.
Buh- Bye Pittsburgh! And remember:
I was directed by early GPS hardware software that ran on a Windows notebook PC to turn right onto a certain street while on an overpass crossing that street, with no off ramp. It seemed to be telling me to crash through the railing and die. I didn't, but I have always kept that memory in the back of my mind when using GPS.
Wow, sounds like a scarey trip. I was on my way to visit with my grandmother years ago and got lost in a midwest city after taking the wrong exit ramp. My map wasn't helpful and I was in a seedy part of the city so I stopped at a few fast food restaurants asking the employees how to get out of there and they had no idea whatsoever. I went to another place and was redirected to an old river road along the Illinois river that wound up and around taking the scenic route but it took much longer than I expected and with no cellphone back then my Grandmother was in a lather by the time I arrived at her home. I do like cellphones and GPS when they work properly. They can be a lifesaver. Thanks for the entertaining animation.