Dear God

Letters to the Lord

1-24-23

Dear God:

I'm tired.

Not so much physically tired, but spiritually. My soul is worn.

I guess I'm just tired of living in this society. Too many people who flippantly disparage You and Jesus. Too many people who believe in nothing but themselves and what they can get, even if it destroys other people. Too many of nothing.

Everyone is talking about the “covid me-too freakout” bioweapons world war as akin to a church or a sacrament or a religion. It's anything but. They're just ignorant and jumping on the bandwagon of swiping at You again. That's all. Any time humans can excise You from existence, they will. Anytime humans can disparage religion, morals, charity, peace and humility, they will.

My soul is tired of living in a land of non-belief. It cringes every time it hears, sees or meets atheistic dogma. This is especially so in my own family. Other than my sister, the rest of my family are nonbelievers. You don't exist to them nor does Jesus. I stay silent with them since being told I was becoming "strange." You know I couldn't even get my ex-spouse to believe in You. Twenty years together, and seventeen of those years I agreed with his atheism and disregarded Your existence. The minute I found belief in You again was the minute the marriage died. He couldn't deal with my belief and continued to sting my soul over and over with his comments and actions. Since he believes he has no soul, he never saw his words and actions as doing anything to me or my soul. Such is life, I guess.

Now I keep all my belief in You and Jesus to myself and write this substack. That's all. I try to keep myself in a place where my belief is not disparaged or mocked, and my soul is not constantly stinged by atheists. I'm lukewarm because I don't like the mockery and how it wears down my soul.

But I'm a jerk, because You told us You do not like lukewarmness. Still here I am doing it. Lord, I don't know what to do now. You once told me my future was to be a witness to You. I still don't know what that means. Maybe my soul does and that's why it is tired. I'm not doing what I should be doing. I'm disappointing You. I'm sure I am, I disappoint everyone, including myself.

But I don't want to continue to live in spiritual "tiredness" and "woe is me-ness." Help me God to re-energize my soul. Show me what You want me to do next, even if it is the tiniest thing.

Jesus said when we are tired to come to Him for his yoke is light. I come to You now Jesus, lighten the load on my spirit and show me the next path to take!

Sincerely,

Napoleon
tired but looking for my second wind