Wow. My friend jacquelyn, a reader of this page, showed me this post...
I'm a caregiver, too. You have eloquently described what surely millions of us feel, at least in our culture of human degradation... When the elders are thrown away, put on shelves, and otherwise vanished in plain sight, then what of caregivers? We, too, are shelved. We are told we are unworthy of respect. I refuse to allow my spirit to ever believe this, and I hope you will be strong and do the same!
"Can't you find a real job?" I actually had someone ask me that once. And less horrible, but similar questions, from family members of the elders I cared for. Now it's got to the place where my two brothers are trying to keep me out of caregiving for my parents, something I gave up my "real job" to do, and moved away from my friends and connections of 25 years to do, because they don't want me to be PAID to do it. It's THEIR inheritance, and they don't think it should be wasted. They have taken me to court and smeared my name in the Public Record as being untrustworthy and scheming. One has said to my face that my eight years as a caregiver was pretty much just "sitting around in people's houses."
And I can't just leave. I can't leave my vulnerable parents, cognitively downward trending, to people who would treat ME like THAT. It's not just driving someone to a doctor's visit and putting something, any crap will do, into their stomachs and a remote to the TV in their hands, is it, my dear Napoleon? I recognize you, and I know you, through your words here, and we are connected in this heart-y way. Please don't feel alone, and when you do, remember me, because you are FAR from alone... I am sending you such a HUGE box of hugs... Bless your heart! Be strong, breathe in the Love you need and exhale the loneliness. xo xo xo
Good post. After I read your post, I watched "Touched by an Angel."
Never saw the episode. It was about an older married couple who were having their first baby in their 40's. Early in the pregnancy the couple found out that the baby boy would be born with Down Syndrome. The father was depressed and angry that his first (and possible only) baby would be "retarded." The father said he couldn't deal with raising a retarded child for the rest of his life and wanted his wife to abort the baby and they would try again for a normal baby.
The mother couldn't abort the baby, even though she was "pro choice." The husband was angry at his wife for deciding to keep a retarded child because it would ruin both of their lives forever, as they would never have a normal family and they would be caretakers to a child who would never be normal (never go to college and have a real job), plus the expenses with raising a Down Syndrome child would bankrupt them.
The angels tried to convince the father that the "normal" life he wanted for themselves and their child was not going to happen, and he needed to believe that God would see them through the raising of a disabled child, and all that mattered was love.
In the end the wife ended up getting shot by a robber at seven months, and had the baby by caesarean. The angels were shocked as God had not told the angels that the wife would be shot. She was shot by a human that was exercising his free will. The wife ended up in a coma, and the doctors said she would probably be brain damaged if she were to wake up from her coma.
The husband ended up raising the baby on his own while his wife lay in a hospital bed in a coma. He told his wife that when she wakes up they will get through this life together.
Then the show ended. We never found out if the wife woke up from her coma and if she was brain damaged.
The show was about humans being caretakers to other humans. Life NEVER goes as one expects. NEVER.
Caretakers are undervalued in our society. Basically caretakers are crapped upon by the "normal" people with the normal jobs and normal lives. Caretaking is depressing and rarely pays a living wage. A caretaker has to have faith in God, that he will take care of the caretaker's expenses and mental health.
I admire your conscience and courage to do what you know is right. That is what counts in the long run. People who put occupation, money, and fame ahead of family obligations are reaping earthy rewards vs eternal rewards.
Wow. My friend jacquelyn, a reader of this page, showed me this post...
I'm a caregiver, too. You have eloquently described what surely millions of us feel, at least in our culture of human degradation... When the elders are thrown away, put on shelves, and otherwise vanished in plain sight, then what of caregivers? We, too, are shelved. We are told we are unworthy of respect. I refuse to allow my spirit to ever believe this, and I hope you will be strong and do the same!
"Can't you find a real job?" I actually had someone ask me that once. And less horrible, but similar questions, from family members of the elders I cared for. Now it's got to the place where my two brothers are trying to keep me out of caregiving for my parents, something I gave up my "real job" to do, and moved away from my friends and connections of 25 years to do, because they don't want me to be PAID to do it. It's THEIR inheritance, and they don't think it should be wasted. They have taken me to court and smeared my name in the Public Record as being untrustworthy and scheming. One has said to my face that my eight years as a caregiver was pretty much just "sitting around in people's houses."
And I can't just leave. I can't leave my vulnerable parents, cognitively downward trending, to people who would treat ME like THAT. It's not just driving someone to a doctor's visit and putting something, any crap will do, into their stomachs and a remote to the TV in their hands, is it, my dear Napoleon? I recognize you, and I know you, through your words here, and we are connected in this heart-y way. Please don't feel alone, and when you do, remember me, because you are FAR from alone... I am sending you such a HUGE box of hugs... Bless your heart! Be strong, breathe in the Love you need and exhale the loneliness. xo xo xo
Saw my mom try to be both a Mom and a 50 hour a week manager. Too much for one person.
Lost my "real job" due to the injection mandate too
Amen. 🙏💞
Good post. After I read your post, I watched "Touched by an Angel."
Never saw the episode. It was about an older married couple who were having their first baby in their 40's. Early in the pregnancy the couple found out that the baby boy would be born with Down Syndrome. The father was depressed and angry that his first (and possible only) baby would be "retarded." The father said he couldn't deal with raising a retarded child for the rest of his life and wanted his wife to abort the baby and they would try again for a normal baby.
The mother couldn't abort the baby, even though she was "pro choice." The husband was angry at his wife for deciding to keep a retarded child because it would ruin both of their lives forever, as they would never have a normal family and they would be caretakers to a child who would never be normal (never go to college and have a real job), plus the expenses with raising a Down Syndrome child would bankrupt them.
The angels tried to convince the father that the "normal" life he wanted for themselves and their child was not going to happen, and he needed to believe that God would see them through the raising of a disabled child, and all that mattered was love.
In the end the wife ended up getting shot by a robber at seven months, and had the baby by caesarean. The angels were shocked as God had not told the angels that the wife would be shot. She was shot by a human that was exercising his free will. The wife ended up in a coma, and the doctors said she would probably be brain damaged if she were to wake up from her coma.
The husband ended up raising the baby on his own while his wife lay in a hospital bed in a coma. He told his wife that when she wakes up they will get through this life together.
Then the show ended. We never found out if the wife woke up from her coma and if she was brain damaged.
The show was about humans being caretakers to other humans. Life NEVER goes as one expects. NEVER.
Caretakers are undervalued in our society. Basically caretakers are crapped upon by the "normal" people with the normal jobs and normal lives. Caretaking is depressing and rarely pays a living wage. A caretaker has to have faith in God, that he will take care of the caretaker's expenses and mental health.
I admire your conscience and courage to do what you know is right. That is what counts in the long run. People who put occupation, money, and fame ahead of family obligations are reaping earthy rewards vs eternal rewards.